i'm back, Islam.

i was wrong.

two years doubting You since i last stepped in the Masjid on 08/08/24.

a year tryna live without Ya.

but no.

i could not.

i fell back into an old habit i could not break until i read the Quran again.

idk y.

the thoughts on extreme lust vanish.

i feel as if all my energy is no longer loose, ready to eject into whatever direction my vices/impulses say to go.

it feels now as an orb of pure energy dominates my entire consciousness.

it has me in focus.

i feel myself again.

God, i was wrong.

granted, i know i will always have my doubts on aisha and the prophet muhammad and the consummation.

but i get it; at the time and place, there were no rules, but if i bring that scenario, today, it would be abhorrent.

i am okay with accepting that notion; i’ve done my research and at the time, there were no rules.

it just eats at me morally.

but i can turn the page now.

i shall return to You.

i will go look for a Masjid in this place and return.

may you provide me the forgiveness and the strength to become an unstoppable force of nature at what i intend to pursue and what You shall allow to happen.

gracias, Dios.

!ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّٰ

!ٱللَّٰهُ أَكْبَرُ