own up to it.
19/11/25.
exam done.
we wait for the result to make the next move.
for now, sat grind for two weeks.
after sat, we lock in again onto math for the final exam.
set myself up w/ more job offers by january.
i want two more.
gotta snatch meetings with my final rec. letters to the academies.
i’ll be patient w/ what’s not in my control.
but yes, this semester will require me to focus to the extreme till christmas.
ion got a choice; so be it.
i need one more person to apologize to for my actions, and we’ll be good.
gotta own up to my mistakes and amend them before we can part ways with such battle scars and advance into tomorrow.
even if i git a b in the math class, i’d have to score higher on the sat. so let’s git it.
it will offset the gpa difference, but we will do what must get done.
imho, it’s not worth it to drop with if i got a daylight chance to obtain a b.
otherwise, i would repeat.
all feels calm.
yes, while i feel dispensable at certain points, i tell myself: “it’s okay. focus on the work, and the work will fix you. it’ll tell if you on the right track or u gotta switch course.”
also, had a good conversation with a brother about islam. as i stated, i remain a deist as of now with the belief he can perform miracles as acts of divine providence.
i do not subscribe to an organized religion currently; however, i am open to learn of other narratives and roads to God.
side note: i believe in God. He must be all-good, all-powerful, & all-knowing. the reason i do not believe in classical deism is ‘cause it generally rejects miracles as a violation of the natural laws that govern earth.
in that scenario, God is not all-powerful; so i could worship a pencil and nothing would happen to me.
so that is why i believe God intervenes when he wants to, not when we ask Him to. i think He does help us out in some way, but we gotta do our part too. what you give, you will get back.
i just like that i can carve my relationship to God my way.
it’s not that i do not believe in a book, but the amount of incense between my eyes a conclusion rooted in sound religious history and logic make fog a childish phenomenon from mother nature.
and i appreciate this brother for the open mind to explain this to me without his biases in the way.
i was heavily invested into islam; yet, as you learn, more questions arise.
this won’t be a journey of “making it”: it’s more of a consistent tug-of-war of questions, learning, and appreciation of whatever religion it is.
just appreciate it.
and have the bravery to ask the hard questions and to do the right thing, even if nobody is watching.
that is, until God condemns or rewards us for the value we contribute to others.
dm.